Red Alert!
by Shrew
Summary: Someone needs to go to the bathroom... in the middle of a battle.


Disclaimer: This was originally meant to be either an original fic or a scene in one of my own original fics.  However, due to the fact that this could hardly be done seriously, I resorted to making it a stand-alone fic.  Of course, as I wrote, elements of _Star Trek_ slipped in, including an oddly Riker-ish character.  Some hard-core Trekkers may notice that some details (such as the placement of a bathroom in the Captain's Ready Room, or so I'm told) are incorrect, and I also have not used ST names.  It really wasn't meant to be a ST fic originally, but I think there's too much ST to rightly call it an original fic…  So consider it an alternate universe, if you want.

**_Red Alert!_**

            He walked through the corridors at a brisk pace, muttering to himself.  Already, he had traversed a couple decks and several intricately connected passages and had still not arrived at his destination.  "Two bathrooms!" he muttered to himself, "Two bathrooms for the entire ship!  Who the hell designed this space shit anyway?"

            An ensign passed, and he quickly flashed a smile at her, one of his striking, debonair smiles that none of the ladies could resist… or so he thought.  A quick sigh of relief slipped through his lips as he finally approached the Gateway of Heaven.  Well, not quite heaven, but it certainly seemed like it to him.  How long had it taken him to get here?  Years, it seemed, but he knew it couldn't have been long.  It just seemed like an eternity.

            Just as he was about to walk through the door, a loud siren blared through the speakers, accompanied by an annoyingly monotone voice, "All hands report to stations!  All hands report immediately!"

            He stared wistfully at the door, wondering if he could _just take a moment…  Sighing rather loudly, he turned away from the door and started half-running to the bridge.  It would have to wait.  Hopefully, this wouldn't take too long.  _Likely, it's just some unexpected visitors.  The Captain won't miss me once it's all cleared up_, he thought desperately._

            It had only taken him a couple minutes to reach the bridge.  He quickly took his place standing next to the Captain.  "Captain," he said with a respectful nod, hoping that whatever was happening would happen quickly.

            On second thought, he better sit down.  The Captain returned the nod, smiling slightly… almost a smirk… Did he know?  "Commander…  We have an unidentified vessel approaching.  It's not returning our hails."  The Commander groaned slightly, barely audibly, and he struggled to keep his face from falling too noticeably.  _This_ would take a while.  "Is something wrong, Commander?"

            He sighed and quickly flashed an almost-too-cheery smile.  "No no…  Lets see who these new aliens are…"

            Quickly, he turned his attention to the view-screen before the Captain could ask anything more.  He kept his eyes on the screen, barely paying attention to the looming ship filling almost his entire vision.  He. Needed. To. Go…  Now.  But he would wait, as his duty required.  Why?  He wasn't entirely sure.  It's not like the Captain ever _really_ needed him there.  He was simply back-up, in case something should happen to their Captain, which was highly unlikely now, as it had never happened before.  His mind seemed to be racing, never focusing on any one thought, as if sheer drive could keep him from bursting.  He twitched slightly and was tapping his foot in a seemingly nervous habit without the slightest notion of doing so.  Gripping the armrests fiercely—his knuckles turning pale-white—he felt almost as if he could crumble the ship with sheer force of will.  For a short moment, he closed his eyes, breathing long and hard.  He could hear the blood rushing through him.  The room was burning up.  He shifted his leg slightly, growing even stiffer.  His head felt like a volcano on the brink of eruption, the pressure constantly rising… rising… _rising_.  He heard nothing going on around him, only the loud _swish_ of his own blood racing, racing.  His pulse was galloping; he could no longer think.  His entire concentration was on maintaining his position.

            No one noticed the scarlet colour of their Commander's face—a perfect match for his uniform—for they were all too busy watching the screen, wondering if the alien vessel would ever respond.  Suddenly, the ship shook violently as a blast of energy crashed against their hull.  The noise snatched the Commander's attention back to the chaos around him.  An ensign had fallen out of his chair during the blast and was attempting to climb back up.  Smoke filled the room, and the Captain was shouting orders.  "Red alert!  Red alert!" screamed the slightly less monotonous voice, accompanied by even more obnoxiously glaring sirens.  He could stand it no longer; his eyes were nearly popping out of their sockets.  Stiffly releasing his grip on the armrests, he gasped violently and pushed himself out of the chair.  Hastily, like a man running from a wild boar, his very life on the line, he ran back through the corridors from whence he came, back to the door he had stared at an eternity ago, the "Red alert!" sirens still blaring obnoxiously all around him.


End file.
